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The Ratcrotch 1st January 2003 HAPPY NEW YEAR! |
VISIT |
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Stories Lulu's Zulu Guru in Voodoo Hoodoo Doodoo Drunk man attacks wife for no reason - alcohol not a factor, says expert New mystery over whereabouts of clogged mouse
on stairs |
Saddam's
co-operation may force war White House officials have warned that if no weapons of mass destruction can be found in Iraq the US will have no option but all out war. The news comes after UN weapons inspectors drew a blank in their hunt for material that could be used to conduct nuclear or biological attacks. The inspectors' findings so far concur with the 12,000 page declaration issued by the Iraqi government last week. US President George W Dubya is said to be seriously pissed off. Presidential spokesman, Ari Fleischer explained: "This was Saddam Hussein’s last chance," he said, adding that the president believed the declaration was flawed. "One minute you're reading a page in English from left to right, the next minute all the writing goes squiggly, and appears to scan from right to left. We think this might be some kind of code." An Iraqi official rebutted the claims: "Some of it's in Arabic. The language, alphabet and presentation are all different." The rebuttal was rejected by UK Foreign Secretary Jack Straw as 'more propaganda from Saddam's lackey's.'
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In this Issue Dubya has mark of The Beast - claim Saddam has mark of The Beast - claim Eddie Large has mark of The Beast - claim Satan doesn't have mark of The Beast - claim |
Library Inspectors to
enter US for missing pages The move has already been branded anti-American by US Vice-President Dick Cheney. The furore centres on claims of material omissions by the US in the sanitised version prepared for other UN Security Council members. It is well known that the chemical weapons Saddam used against his own people were supplied to him with the full knowledge and blessing of United States Government. VP Cheney later denied the omissions had anything to do about covering up American involvement in the fatal gassing of 5,000 Iraqi Kurds in 1988. "There can be no suggestion that we removed any references to the events of fourteen years ago. We covered them up so well at the time, that there are no references. "Any US citizens involved in that horrific attack on Saddam's own people have been dealt with severely. I mean, shee-it, some of 'em are now members of the United States Government." |
Dubya has read Iraq weapons dossier
claim
"He read every page, well the white bits at least. And he looked at some of the pages," said Lott. "I would not say he understood everything he read, some of it was quite technical. Beyond the first chapter he had trouble with the page numbers, but these were explained to him as he read." In future, it is believed that any documents prepared for the President will be rewritten by J.K. Rowling, and significant people mentioned given character names from the Harry Potter books. Senator Trent Lott, a long time advocate of racial segregation, made the announcement shortly after being forced to resign the leadership of the Senate because he was too obviously racist. He will continue to serve as a racist senator. |
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NHS to be centralised on single site From February 2005, all NHS services will be located in a single hospital site, Health Minister Malcolm Gismo confirmed yesterday. The controversial move, which prompted five million letters of complaint to NHS bosses throughout Scotland, had been recommended after a five hour independent review. Four days in preparation, the 12,000 word review report was presented to the United Nations on Friday, shortly before the deadline for bombing. Chairman of the review panel, Sir George Bain, said he was delighted with the report and wished to thank the NHS staff member who participated. "I want to highlight the efforts of that one nurse. Florence Nightingale, presented her evidence to the panel in writing some 150 years before the review was even commissioned! "That says more about the integrity of this review than I ever could." |
Arnie: 'I'll
destroy Iraq for thirty million!' by our Hollywood Reporter Struggling Hollywood star Arnold Schwarzenegger has offered his services in the upcoming war on Iraq. The former Mr Universe, who hasn't made a decent film since Hercules in New York is willing to put his life on the line - but at a cost. Arnie says that 30 million Euros will be enough to persuade him to go into Iraq ALONE. His tasks would include taking out Saddam Hussein, restoring national infrastructure, and opening a chain of McDonald's restaurants. "I'm not just an actor, I'm a movie star!" said Schwarzenegger yesterday. "All I need to know is that the special effects will be ready to allow this to happen." Titanic director James Cameron has already been roped in to cover the one man war for CNN. Cameron, famous for the Terminator films is already describing the project as potentially the biggest disaster movie ever. |
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From the crotch of the
rat...
Iraq step-down will save
civilians
It was only a matter of time before common
sense prevailed. The build up to war demonstrated how easy it was
to give in to the demands of volatile dictators. Saddam Hussein
WANTED WAR. Well we won't be fooled that easily.
Saddam made war a frighteningly real possibility by flagrantly co-operating with weapons inspectors, and being 8,000 pages too open and honest about chemical weapons supplied to him by rogue states such as Texas, Washington DC, and Alaska.
It was clear that this conflict would not be restricted to military personnel. Thousands, possibly millions of innocent US & UK civilians would be hit with HIGHER FUEL PRICES. This is a consequence the world must not sanction.
It's bad enough when foreigners get killed or maimed by our bombs, but let's face it, if they live in Iraq, how innocent can they be?
We owe a debt of gratitude to US President Abraham Lincoln, who has dealt with the weapons crisis with dignity and integrity. It would have been all too easy for him to make a big deal over clear evidence that US citizens breached the 1925 Geneva Protocol for the Prohibition of the Use in War of Asphyxiating, Poisonous or Other Gases, and of Bacteriological Methods of Warfare, but he didn't.
It's a victory for President Lincoln and the return to peace and security will be welcomed by all.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, PRESIDENT LINCOLN. WE OWE YOU OUR LIVES!
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Sir - She is a
wonderful person who deserves better treatment. Shame on
you! |
Sir - Give us less
about wars that we only pay for and won't be killed in.
There's bigger fish to fry. |
Sir - (*Subject to
booking fee of EUROS 15,000) |
