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ISSUE 5 Whadda y'mean it's voluntary? |
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VISIT |
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Blair 'denies cowardice': spokesperson Tony Blair acted bravely to avoid anti-war demonstrators at the Scottish Exhibition & Conference Centre (SECC) on Saturday, a Downing Street lackey said today. It took enormous courage to decide to address the Scottish Labour Party's Spring Conference four hours earlier than originally intended, he added.
Mr Blair took time out from his busy programme of policy briefings with US President George W. Bush to tell the gathered delegates that Saddam Hussein MUST be disarmed, or else the whole world could be held to ransom by a ruthless tyrant with weapons easily capable of hitting remote parts of his own country and killing literally some of his own people. "Only a man of the highest integrity could stand up to someone like Saddam Hussein," said Labour spokesperson Peter Mandysummink. "It would put the entire planet at risk if Tony was to pretend nothing was happening in Iraq - which it's not. Nothing is definitely not happening, there's lots going on. The weapons inspectors have shown this, they just haven't told anyone yet." Mr Blair spoke passionately of the need to face down the violent Iraqi dictator, before dashing off to avoid having to face 100,000 peaceful demonstrators, less than a third of whom - according to Strathclyde Police figures - were actually people. (See report below) "I fully sympathise with the protestors," said Prime Minister Blair. "But even if one hundred million of them take to the streets that's still less than the number of barrels of oil we can get out of Iraq" |
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| Police defend
classification of demonstrators Strathclyde Police will stand firm in their assessment of the attendance at Saturday's anti-war march in Glasgow. The police had issued an estimate that 30,000 people had marched from Glasgow Green to the SECC.
"It was clear to us," said Chief Inspector Barry Crunch, "That there were 100,000 demonstrators. We are confident, however, that only 30,000 of them were actually people. There were cats, dogs, pigs, children, and marchers who had demonstrated before - and they don't count. "We were unable to include demonstrators wearing masks, as it was impossible for us to tell if they were people or not."
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Blix must come clean or face
consequences: US UN weapons inspector Hans Blix was under extreme pressure from US Secretary of State Colin Powell to make a full disclosure of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The calls for compliance with the UN came after Dr Blix told the Security Council that he had been unable to locate any evidence of WMDs. He further stated that satellite evidence submitted by the US was misleading. "He's hiding something, I know he is. If he doesn't tell us what we need to know soon, we're going to have to take military action against Dr Blix ensure that innocent civilians can sleep safe in their beds."
Dr Blix, who is married to Northern funny-girl Victoria Wood, laughed off suggestions that he was hiding anything, but promised a commensurate response should hostilities begin. |
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| SNP leader
Swinney slams demo wreckers Leader of the Scottish National Party, John Swinney MSP has hit out at a group of demonstrators posing as SNP supporters at Saturday's anti-war demo in Glasgow. Mr Swinney claims that a dissident researcher within the SNP leaked placards to members of the Scottish Socialist Party in order to embarrass him before his inspiring and incisive speech. "I think one only has to look at the way these phonies waited for the march to reach George Square then joined the front of the crowd to conclude that they were out to hijack it." The content of the banners was intended to imply that the SNP was in two minds over the impending conflict with Iraq, claimed Mr Swinney. "Most of the banners consisted of only our party logo, and the slogan 'Release our potential.' An ambiguous statement like that is offensive when one considers the prospect of thousands of UK bombs wiping out innocent Iraqi lives." More offensive still to Mr Swinney were the banners which read 'SNP Not In My Name.' "This was clearly the work of the Scottish Socialist Party. No other party has the gall to hijack a march in progress for its own political ends." John Swinney and a number of genuine SNP followers joined the front of the march in George Square despite requests from the organisers and police that all participants assemble on Glasgow Green. They did so in good faith, and not just to look good on the telly! |
News In Brief SNP vegetarian activist gave
leeks to SSP The leeks were traced by SNP MSPs back to the researcher after an intensive internal investigation. Junk food to be
rationed in schools, says Jack "We'll need to fatten some of the poorer kids up, so that they meet the requirements of our customers," said First Minister Jack 'Big Mac' McConnell. The trial contract will involve the export of 300 'Human Veal' per week to a secret location in the Highlands. Not being poor the best route out of poverty |
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Editorial:
Cowardy Custard's Last Stand?
Tony Blair took on the world yesterday. In his keynote speech to
New Labour's Spring Conference he inspired confidence in all
those who would oppose him. Surely now the world will realise
that that he is a good man, acting in good faith.
Some might say that Blair is a coward for running away from his own people, but that's just the usual whingeing from the usual suspects. Mr Blair is Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, he has a country to run. He hasn't got the time to listen to a few hundred protesters. Had the protesters got no jobs to go to on Saturday? SHAME ON THEM!
Our Mr Blair has answered every possible question, listened to all sides of the the argument. If Tony can't see a way to peace in the Gulf then there cannot be one.
This is not a time for appeasement - look closely at what has triggered this crisis. The world must respond to Saddam Hussein's insistence on developing weapons of internal combustion and fuels of mass lubrication. If we don't do something now, it could be too late. The future security of the planet depends on people being able to drill freely for oil.
The people of Iraq themselves will welcome the chance to dodge bullets and bombs. Better that than starving to death for lack of oil company investment.
All we are saying is 'Give Blair a chance!'
